Monday, January 25, 2010

Lie Down

There is a trick to staying young and I know it (Pssst! It's called lying). The real trick is knowing when and how to use the trick. The "when" is anytime after 40. The "how" is a little more subtle and requires a slight bit of cunning. Here's how I do it. Always lie up, never lie down. That's it. That's all there is to it really. Try it! You'll start to feel younger immediately, I'm sure of it. No one will ever suspect you're lying because no one ever lies up, they always lie down.

Now the Japanese have a clever trick of their own for finding out exactly how old you are without really prying. They simply ask what (Chinese) zodiac symbol, or animal,  you were born under. Japanese culture shares the same twelve year cycle zodiac so everybody is familiar with it and there is no need to track down a placemat from a cheap Chinese restuarant like I do to find out what year you were born in, everybody just knows (without even using a calculator). I was born in 1962, the Year of the Tiger (according to my placemat), which makes me.... (you do the math). When people ask what year in the zodiac cycle I was born, I always tell them the truth and say, the Year of the Tiger but then quickly follow up by telling them I'm 59 years old. That's one cycle ahead or twelve years older than I really am.

Then comes the beautiful part of this prevarication. Their eyes light up in total surprise and they say something like, "I can't believe it you look so young for your age!"  Wow, who wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of that compliment? Well actually I know some 14 and 15-year-olds who wouldn't like to hear it.

Now that you know the "when" and "how," there are some pitfalls to watch out for. Here's a word of precaution: the trick can backfire. Sometimes I'll "lie up" 12 years, tell people I'm 59, sit back and wait for the compliments to start rolling in, only to hear them say something like, "I can't believe it. You don't look a day over 50." WHAAAT! That's way older than I really am. It's terribly shocking at first but that's what they have hair dye for. A few dabs in the right places should prevent backfiring in most instances.

Top photo from

Hello Kitty Animal Print Mini Plush - Orange Tiger Stripes (4" Figure)


  1. Shouldn't it be "lay down," I mean grammatically speaking.

  2. Johntaro,

    You are wise beyond your years.